As something of a ‘fuck you‘ to the British Egg Information Service who, as keener readers will recall, have still not answered my query, I’ve taken it upon myself to infiltrate the British egg industry via other means.

Here is the first item in a vast portfolio of advertising material which I’ll send to the British Egg Marketing Board who will immediately hire me, making me their EGG CZAR responsible for every aspect of egg promotion in the British Isles. I’ll then shut down the British Egg Information Service, cackling and wanking as I do so.

A husband wanted to learn how to make an omelette. He was told that to start he had to seperate two eggs, so he put one in the kitchen and one in the hall!      

 Stupid husbands!  They’re all stupid!

Q. What’s the difference between a soldier and a fireman?     

A. You can’t dip a fireman in an egg

Yes you can.  If it’s a really big egg. 

There were two eggs being boiled in a saucepan. One egg said ‘owch it’s hot in here…’ The other egg said ‘arghhhh!! A talking egg!!’      

I’m sure they were both saying ‘arghhhh!!’, as they were both being boiled.  They probably went rather quiet soon after. Don’t worry avid readers, I’ve come up with my own yolk (joke):

What do you call an egg on a bus?  The ticket inspeggtor!

Please don’t cry. 

It’s been over a month now and I’ve still to receive a reply from the British Egg Information Service.  Perhaps they’ve been too busy eating their Christmas eggs.

I have just discovered the British Egg Information Service.  From their website:

“The British Egg Information Service (BEIS) has been set up by the British Egg Industry Council (BEIC) to provide information and answer questions about eggs”    

I couldn’t have happened upon this treasure-trove of eggy knowledge at a better time, as I do have a question about eggs – why are eggs so lovely to hold?  I’ve asked the British Egg Information Service, and will let you know the moment I receive their reply.