I am very angry with Virgin Media. Very angry indeed.

Dear sir/madam,

I write regarding [nameless drone]'s reply dated the 1st of December 2008, attached below.

What would have perhaps helped redeem your company in my eyes - eyes which have seen it as naught but a bewildering mass of shambolic incompetence since my very first day as a customer - would be if the £100 refunded installation charge promised to me had ever been applied to my account. Since it has mysteriously failed to materialise I now find late payment charges popping up on my account, and fully expect to have my service disconnected for the third time in as many months of service. I certainly have no intention of exposing my bank account to any Direct Debits while I am allegedly 'in credit', and had hoped as any sound-minded individual would that my credit would pay for two or three months of Top Gear repeats. Perhaps it wasn't meant to be.

Could you please have a quick look for my missing credit, perhaps down the back of your desk, remove that pesky late payment fee and then spend ten minutes thinking up a really whizzy reason why I shouldn't cancel my service, write a series of particularly scathing critiques of Virgin Media and publish them below a picture of Richard Branson with a pair of silly glasses and a moustache drawn on in marker pen.

Actually I needn't do the moustache.

I look forward to your prompt reply.


Idiots. I’m just glad I didn’t also take their broadband, telephone or life support services.